No Sex Please, We're Divers

Koh Tao - Diver's Paradise

One of the things you come to notice about Thailand is the sex tourists. They are everywhere you go - especially the islands. But on Koh Tao, diving paradise in the gulf of Thailand, they are most noticeable by their complete absence.

Yes, that’s right – there seem to be no hookers on Koh Tao, and hence, no sex-tourists. After travelling through most of the islands in Thailand, this comes as a shock. In fact, to the seasoned Thailand traveller, even more noticeable than the beautiful island itself and the colourful fish frolicking amongst the coral in the diamond-clear water, is the lack of semen-stained bald white men. Instead, the Swamp was impressed by how beautiful all the foreigners are.

In fact, Koh Tao wins the Swamp’s ranking for the title ‘Island of Beautiful Foreigners’. I don’t know what it is about diving that makes people so fit, but I only saw one white belly on the whole island that was bigger than mine! And not only are they fit and attractive, but stylish too. Generally, most foreigners to be seen taking a walk along the beach dress in cheap brand-name rip-offs thrown together to make some sort of bodily covering, but on Koh Tao – it is beach fashion taken to a casual extreme. Not pretentious, but classy. I felt not only out of shape, but under-styled.


sexy, sexy people on Koh Tao

Koh Tao’s location is probably the main cause of this. It is a two-hour boat ride on the fastest boat from Koh Samui to Koh Tao. And once you get there, there is nothing to do but dive and snorkel. There are no beaches worth swimming on. There are bars and restaurants – nice ones, stylishly set up overlooking the beach, or funky tapas bars and bakeries set back on the road that wouldn’t be out of place in Tokyo or Sydney – but there are bars on the more easily accessible islands for those who want to laze around on the beach all day. The bars on Koh Tao are diver’s bars. If you don’t dive, it’s probably best to pretend you do…to avoid any possible uncomfortable situations.

Not that we felt unwelcome on Koh Tao. You’re never unwelcome in Thailand if you have money – even just a little. A few of the dive shops mocked us mildly when we asked if they arranged snorkeling tours – but to them snorkelers are just low-class divers, so we were good naturedly accepted as simple unenlightened divers-in-the-making.

It has to be said that the snorkeling on Koh Tao is pretty good. I saw my first spotted grouper and was attacked by my first trigger fish. We saw colonies of red, green and blue polyps that hid in their shells when we swam too close. There were reef sharks to swim with if we had been prepared to get up at 5 am, and leviathan whale sharks are common in the deeper waters – again, a privilege reserved for people who go on the real dive boats – even if they are merely common snorkelers.


Mae Haad Harbour

Koh Tao means “Turtle Island”, but that’s because the island is shaped like a turtle, not because the waters are awash with turles. We saw no turtles, apparently most of them packed up and moved when the island got too popular – it seems turtles are divers with attitude who only want to be seen in the most chic of locations.

So would the Swamp go back to Koh Tao? Definitely. The lack of a good swimming beach is a drawback, as I am a beachgoer who likes to snorkel, not a diver who snorkels when he feels like slumming it, but overall, Koh Tao is in my top 4 snorkeling spots so far visited. The island is beautiful, the people are friendly, prices are South-East Asia reasonable and a good time was had by all.