ShadySwamp

International Man of Leisure, signing off

2007-03-22T12:30:00.000+07:00

its over.

the journey, the joy, the highs, the lows. the laziness - most of all, the laziness is over. the hammock shall remain unswung and unnocupied for the immediate future.

the International Man of Leisure is no more.

from bangkok, this is the IML, signing off.

no news

2005-11-02T07:16:00.000+07:00

...is good news...?

thor and odin

2005-10-04T06:59:00.000+07:00

...must've been in bangkok last night. and they must've been really, really pissed at each other.

we had one of the most amazing thunderstorms i have ever been in wrap itself around our apartment last night. for an hour or more it was all like, "flashflashflash" "boomrumblerumbleboom" "flashFLASHflashFLASH" "BOOMrumbleBOOMBOOMrumblerumblerumble", y'know?

being on the 34th floor when a massive tropical thunderstorm comes through is an experience i would like to offer tours for. as the storm passes thru, there is a period where you are literally surrounded by lightning - i turned off the lights last night and watched as the clouds right outside my windows light up with electricity in all four directions. the wind howled and the rain beat against the windows. it was a very elemental experience - fire in the lightning, air in the gale, water in the rain, and if i hadn't gone out and cut down the orchids we have growing in coconuts hanging on the balcony, we would've had earth as they were blown off and shattered the windows.

it was pretty cool...

what is this feeling?

2005-10-01T08:05:00.000+07:00

i've been feeling this funny sensation over the last few weeks.

its like a mildly unpleasant tingly feeling throughout my body. i haven't felt it for two years.

it's stress. work-related stress.

the last two years of soft-swingy hammock time i never had it - had no reason to. but now i am the man at the coalface, it's back... i think i'm less equipped to deal with it than i was two years ago too - i thought i'd become this relaxed and calm buddha machine capable of flowing through the gaps of comfy softness in life, but no - i just felt no stress 'cos i had nothing to be stressed about. yappari, when the causes of stress are there, it hits me over the back of the head with its big old stress stick - and maybe even more than it used to 'cos my immunity levels are down from not being exposed to it for so long.

i wonder if i can get a shot to build up my anti-stress antibodies?

what to say?

2005-09-28T06:33:00.000+07:00

as my life gets weirder and weirder by getting more and more normal, i find i have nothing to say.

a blog about how little i did each day interested me - i may not have put any effort or focus into it, but at least there was the underlying fact that i was competing for the title of "world's laziest man" that seemed to give it a reason for being written...

but now - well - i have the same stuff as everybody else who works in an office for too little money. it's not even an office that bears writing about. the work is interesting on a personal level, but not worth writing about. the people i work with are solid and dependable and although they have petty office-politik disputes, also don't rate a mention, except perhaps for how normal they are.

but the strangest, strangest thing is, that apart from the working week being a day or two long, i don't think i want to go back to doing nothing again just yet. i will, i know i will, but not just yet. the reasons i stopped doing nothing (mostly because i had so many opportunities to be doing cool things but wound up doing, literally, nothing), are still there to be worked thru. when i find my inspiration again, i think at that point i will return to doing something worth writing about, but it may take some time.

until then, well, you can imagine, i guess...

the hammock is empty, but it is strangely good...

the flood

2005-09-14T20:19:00.000+07:00

has been a very biblical 24 hours (old-testament style)

it rained last night and today. not pathetic little driply-droplet rain. not even your usual, run-of-the-mill tropical downpour. today, it RAINED. all last night and all today.

the fun thing about bangkok when it rains is that the roads flood.

i thought i'd be clever today, so i waited until 9am before i set off for work, thinking that as everyone else would probably be at work by then, i could maybe get a taxi. no luck. so i set off to walk to the subway - didn't think a bike-taxi was a good idea today, considering.

of course, being a working man now, i was wearing my suit - my dapper brand new suit that i'd gotten from the tailor yesterday (well, the trousers, anyway - the jacket was already hanging in my office - i'd had it delivered, y'see). nicely ironed shirt. new silk tie from jim thompson. nice shiny black shoes.

and the roads were flooded.

so, i did what i had to do - i took off my shoes and socks, rolled up my brand-new suit trousers, and walked happilybarefoot through the murky brown floodwaters to higher ground on the main street.

that was the highpoint of my day though...

but it's the stuff that you can never see yourself doing back home that make expat life entertaining...

why did i do this...?

2005-08-31T19:00:00.000+07:00

...ok, so there is quite a bit of the "why on earth did i do this to myself" creeping in - and it's only wednesday! i'm kinda secretly hoping that something will go wrong and i'll get fired or have to quit...

but the reasons for doing it are all still there, so i guess i can do it a bit longer...and doesn't everybody feel kinda stressed in the first week or so when they don't know what's going on?

was really, really, really hard not to be able to have a nap today...around 3 pm was the crunch time - got so sleeeeeeeepppppyyyyy!

ho hum - do it again tomorrow...

first day at kindie...

2005-08-29T18:24:00.000+07:00

remember your first day at kindergarden? you were kinda excited, but kinda scared at the same time...

well, today was nothing like that. i just - went back to work. it felt - not good, not bad - it was just, i guess, the right place to be.

of course, it was only my first day. i enjoyed the sociability of it. ignored the politics mostly, while making some i hope astute politik movements towards some of the people who it looked will be good to have onside.

on the way home in the subway - i felt - good. like i had finally engaged bangkok... i felt like i belonged, rather than that i was swimming undetected beneath the currents...

my commute, b.t.w. is good - left front door at 8:16. 2 minute wait for elevator. 1 minute elevator ride. 1 minute walk to bike taxi. 3 minute bike taxi ride to station (10Baht). 5 minute wait for subway - airconditioned platform. 8 minute subway ride - not crowded, airconditioned carriage(14Baht). 10 minute walk to work. not unpleasant at all.

i feel like a grown up again!

will i ever go back to my leisurely life? i hope so. if i can alternate between periods of intense laziness and regular work, i will be happy...

2005-08-19T17:19:00.000+07:00

ON HOLIDAY

swamp's gone to the beach to meditate on upcoming lifestyle change...

fan art

2005-08-19T06:38:00.000+07:00

hey kids! the swamp just got sent his first piece of fan art...

keep sending in your impressions of "life in the swamp" kids, and each week, i'll pick the best pic sent into me and put it up on the shadyswamp blog!

as an idea, how about a pic of the swamp being driven before the whips of capitalism as he returns to the workplace? let your mind go crazy kids!

here is the work of art sent in by "the shoe" from tokyo, age 5

the shoe's impression of life in the swamp

bye bye to the i.m.l

2005-08-15T16:38:00.000+07:00

yup. the international man of leisure will be no more at the end of this month.

a big shout out to all of you who supported me in my drive to become the laziest man on earth... it's been a fabulous two years of sitting around doing pretty much nothing, but the time has come for that man to put on the necktie again and go out and pretend to work like everyone else does...

why? you ask...

because it is time...

it's not a case of not being able to appreciate the light when there is no dark...the light is good...very good. but if i spend my whole life being the lazy one, then there won't be enough laziness in the world for you all...

two more weeks of nothing left - better see how much i can not get accomplished in that time.

the artist formerly known as the "international man of leisure"...

goin' pink

2005-08-03T06:47:00.000+07:00

after more than a year of living in the 'kok, lying in my hammock, observing the world from my eyrie, and just generally avoiding the world around me, the past few weeks have seen the swamp emerge from hiding to have a closer look at the pink wonder that is soi cowboy - the local hooker strip.

but i still don't go to the hookers - ok - my masthead is still intact.

but it turns out that the soi cowboy is a pretty friendly place.

ok - so if you walk down the street at night without a female escort, they can get kinda grabby - but it's all friendly and done with a smile.

a friend and i went into one place for a beer - they really do have glass ceilings with girls dancing "no-pants" upstairs - the female friends i've told thought it was kinda gross - but it is, of course, really, really, really, really cool. brazilian waxes seemed to be most common...(not that i looked, of course) ;)

so, after breaking through the fear/giggling anticipation that first time, when another friend came and wanted to play pool, we went, of course, to soi cowboy.

pool is B20 per game - and you get a woman to rack up the balls for you after each game - that is a custom i could really get into. you can also fondle the girls if you want - we saw one guy having a massive squeeze of his potential night-partners boobs - he was really giving them the old momi-momi. she didn't seem that pleased about it - maybe there is no momi-momi allowed until a deal has been struck. so she got up and whipped his ass at pool. it was a beautiful moment.

so - the verdict is - soi cowboy is a very enticing place, and in another world, i'd probably live there. but then, i'd probably end up very sexually satisfied but intrinsically lonely like most long termers in thailand tend to be - and i'd probably die of aids too...

soi cowboy

long live the pink...

film review: war of the worlds

2005-07-23T07:28:00.000+07:00

CRAP!

really, really bad. do not pay money to see this film. if someone offers you a free ticket - refuse it - or better - accept it, then burn it so noone else has to go and see it.

steven spielberg should have his directing license taken away. he should be banned from coming within 100 metres of a camera.

what could have, should have been a good movie - basically a human drama set against an amazing backdrop of interplanetary invasion by invincible, faceless aliens - turns into a two-hour weep session as the poor audience is reduced to tears begging "please, PLEASE aliens - kill tom cruise quickly so we can go home". but of course, they don't.

so we sit in the theatre, not walking out, thinking - well, it may be a crap movie, but there's gotta be some good actions scenes coming up - they spent a hundred million or so on this movie, there's gotta be some better action than just tom cruise running away...but no. they sem to have spent the entire action budget in the film on destoying the center of tom's town in the first scene where the aliens are revealed - leaving nothing for a climactic action scene later. in fact - most of the fighting of the aliens takes place "over a hill" so we can't see it. in any good film, this would be an interesting and clever cinematic technique - increase the mystique and power of the bad guys by NOT showing the good guys getting clobbered trying to fight them. but the human characters in this film are so annoying - the audience is begging for some good cg fight scenes to justify the money spent on the ticket.
'cos when it comes down to it, in a human drama, you have to like - or at least be able to relate to - the main characters, right? i thought tom's character was an annoying asshole from the first scene. and it doesnt get better. he stays annoying all thru the film -in fact - he gets worse.

*here's a spoiler for anybody who is still gonna go and see the film:
and then in the end, when he finally does arrive at his ex wife's parents' house in boston with his kid (you know he's gonna - i haven't spoiled anyhting by telling you) - his stupid wife's family come to the door (unbroken glass in a clean door in a clean perfect house after the aliens have pretty much destroyed everything else in the world) they are clean and nicely dressed as if they've just finished the wine and were about to move on to coffee and port!

There are 6 billion interesting stories that could have been told to the backdrop of the martian invasion of the war of the worlds - spielberg doesn't give us even a taste of any of them except the poorly-scripted and badly acted (unless tom's choice was to be an annoying asshole with no redeeming qualities - if so he did it well) story that is his movie.
i can't believe that anybody likes this movie - i can't believe the reviewers didn't warn me to stay away.

rating:

because speilberg was true to the original images of the tripods and they look kinda cool

all my friends are getting married

2005-07-17T11:46:00.000+07:00

the penthouse garuda, home to the international man of leisure and playspot for the internationally fabulous has produced a first - two friends who came to visit got engaged during their "garuda whirlwind" tour of south-east asia.

strange thing though, i got all fluffy and excited when i thought that there was going to be a wedding. yes, even the swamp, who rejected all pushes for a 'proper' wedding from all corners, fought of a sneak attack from father-in-law, and saved life from the one day when relatives rule completely and man and woman become slaves to family; yes, even i got all teary at the thought of the blushing bride and groom...

some deep part of me is really weird...

if there is a wedding to be planned, there could be no better place to plan it than this establishment spotted in Thonglo in bangkok:

where else would you plan your wedding?

doesn't love just make you feel all good inside? like a great big fluffy bunny...

No Sex Please, We're Divers

2005-07-11T12:16:00.000+07:00

Koh Tao - Diver's Paradise

One of the things you come to notice about Thailand is the sex tourists. They are everywhere you go - especially the islands. But on Koh Tao, diving paradise in the gulf of Thailand, they are most noticeable by their complete absence.

Yes, that’s right – there seem to be no hookers on Koh Tao, and hence, no sex-tourists. After travelling through most of the islands in Thailand, this comes as a shock. In fact, to the seasoned Thailand traveller, even more noticeable than the beautiful island itself and the colourful fish frolicking amongst the coral in the diamond-clear water, is the lack of semen-stained bald white men. Instead, the Swamp was impressed by how beautiful all the foreigners are.

In fact, Koh Tao wins the Swamp’s ranking for the title ‘Island of Beautiful Foreigners’. I don’t know what it is about diving that makes people so fit, but I only saw one white belly on the whole island that was bigger than mine! And not only are they fit and attractive, but stylish too. Generally, most foreigners to be seen taking a walk along the beach dress in cheap brand-name rip-offs thrown together to make some sort of bodily covering, but on Koh Tao – it is beach fashion taken to a casual extreme. Not pretentious, but classy. I felt not only out of shape, but under-styled.

sexy, sexy people on Koh Tao

Koh Tao’s location is probably the main cause of this. It is a two-hour boat ride on the fastest boat from Koh Samui to Koh Tao. And once you get there, there is nothing to do but dive and snorkel. There are no beaches worth swimming on. There are bars and restaurants – nice ones, stylishly set up overlooking the beach, or funky tapas bars and bakeries set back on the road that wouldn’t be out of place in Tokyo or Sydney – but there are bars on the more easily accessible islands for those who want to laze around on the beach all day. The bars on Koh Tao are diver’s bars. If you don’t dive, it’s probably best to pretend you do…to avoid any possible uncomfortable situations.

Not that we felt unwelcome on Koh Tao. You’re never unwelcome in Thailand if you have money – even just a little. A few of the dive shops mocked us mildly when we asked if they arranged snorkeling tours – but to them snorkelers are just low-class divers, so we were good naturedly accepted as simple unenlightened divers-in-the-making.

It has to be said that the snorkeling on Koh Tao is pretty good. I saw my first spotted grouper and was attacked by my first trigger fish. We saw colonies of red, green and blue polyps that hid in their shells when we swam too close. There were reef sharks to swim with if we had been prepared to get up at 5 am, and leviathan whale sharks are common in the deeper waters – again, a privilege reserved for people who go on the real dive boats – even if they are merely common snorkelers.

Mae Haad Harbour

Koh Tao means “Turtle Island”, but that’s because the island is shaped like a turtle, not because the waters are awash with turles. We saw no turtles, apparently most of them packed up and moved when the island got too popular – it seems turtles are divers with attitude who only want to be seen in the most chic of locations.

So would the Swamp go back to Koh Tao? Definitely. The lack of a good swimming beach is a drawback, as I am a beachgoer who likes to snorkel, not a diver who snorkels when he feels like slumming it, but overall, Koh Tao is in my top 4 snorkeling spots so far visited. The island is beautiful, the people are friendly, prices are South-East Asia reasonable and a good time was had by all.

got opium?

2005-07-03T08:24:00.000+07:00

peace and love in the golden triangle

apparently, kun sa was a really nice guy.

we all remember kun sa as the druglord who controlled the golden triangle with his private army. but to ask a local in chiang sen, the nearest town to the thai bit of the golden triangle (well, the easiest to find bit - where the borders of thailand, myanmar and laos meet), he was a humanitarian leader, who only supported the opium trade 'cos it was the only way to ensure the safety and strength of his people.

but there aint hardly no more opium to be had these days. i suppose you could probably come across some photogenic poppy fields if you were trekking in laos or myanmar, but i was offered lots of souvenirs and not a toke of opium when i went north last week. nobody shot at me, and i saw not a single ak47. in fact, it was a beautiful holiday spot - bring the family kind of place.

in fact - we took a two year old (a friend's).

there's something kinda special about standing in one country and looking at two others. Especially for someone from australia - where you'd have to super-power-like damn fine eyesight to see another country from anywhere. so standing under the relaxing gaze of the giant golden buddha statue the thais have put up on the border and looking over the mekhong and seeing both laos AND myanmar was a satisfying experience for me. i think i stood for 15 minutes or so looking left to right saying to myself "that's myanmar, that's laos, that's thailand. that's thailand, that's laos, that's myanmar. myanmar, laos, thai, thai, laos, myanmar".

simple things for simple minds.

thailand, myanmar, laos...

we also rented a jeep and did a bit of a countryside cruise. there is a so-called "hilltribe village" on the road we drove along. we stopped and walked through it - looking for some traditional thai outfit photo-ops. the hilltribe village was not set up for tourists - which was good because it was real, but bad, 'cos it meant that everyone was wearing chinese track pants and t-shirts. a national geographic film crew would have fled in disgust.

there's something insanely voyueristic about hill-tribe trekking that made me very, very uncomfortable. we walked through these people's village - looked through doorways into their homes - frightened their chickens and annoyed their dogs. i wondered how people would feel back home if i brought a bunch of thais to come wandering through people's backyards in coogee...

would you mess with this guy?

but we made them some balloon animals, so they forgave us.

i had the best lesson i could ever have wanted in thai politics when the guy who drove me back to chiang rai airport turned out to be a local poltiical candidate. got the inside scoop on the intricacies of vote buying and political intimidation through the police and hired gunmen. i feel very happy not to be thai sometimes.

fool...

2005-06-30T12:57:00.000+07:00

i did something very foolish today...

i went for a job interview.

why, when i have nothing to do all day but lie around in my hammock or watch crap movies on hbo, would i do something so stupid you ask.

i don't know.

but i somehow don't think i'll get it anyway - "being a lazy slug" wasn't a skill they seemed to need, after all...

visitors from the outside...

2005-05-30T13:34:00.000+07:00

so, what's been going on in the swamp penthouse, y' ask?

well, it's gettin' on for the middle of the year, and that tends to be when the penthouse garuda welcomes visitors. so the swamp's been gettin' out and about bein' tour guide... went to the oriental hotel down by the river for high tea,

imagine yourself as somerset maughan in the oriental hotel

an' on a river cruise at night for dinner in an old conversted rice-barge

you try taking pictures from a moving boat at night with a digital camera..

also been to lots of markets, lots and lots of markets. visitors to bangkok tend to get caught up in the joy of shopping, and i gots no objections to tagging along...

bookings are open for a limited number of very exclusive patrons in the chilton room, named after one of our very famous guests who was one of the first to stay in the penthouse garuda...

penthouse garuda - the chilton room

all in all, the swamp's been a busy boy - but back to full laziness this week - would hate to overexert myself...

Koh Lanta – island of stormy castaways

2005-05-19T09:33:00.000+07:00

Thailand has an off-season? I never knew…

Tropical...

The rumours and travellers tales surrounding Koh Lanta, a predominantly muslim island in the Andaman Sea south of Krabi and south-east of Phuket paint a picture of a still-undeveloped paradise where the hippy spirit of the ‘old Thailand’ can still be found. Famous for beautiful beaches and world-class diving sites, it supposedly offers a more laid-back and cheaper option for enjoying the crystal-clear Andaman waters.

Long Beach on Koh Lanta

However, the first thing we discovered when we went to Koh Lanta, is that the season is November to April. We went in May. I knew that the seas in the andaman were rough mid year and that diving is only possible over the months around new year, but I had no idea that anywhere in Thailand actually closed down. How can you have an off season when it’s still 30 degrees and even if it rains there is still bright sunshine most of the day?

We found out that the boat service from Krabi stops in April, so we had to catch a mini-bus. Never a good idea to catch a mini-bus anywhere from Krabi, as the chances are you will have to go through Satan’s travel agency. I don’t know when Satan set up his travel agency in Krabi, but he did a good job, tying up the bribes and kickbacks to all the taxi drivers and hotels in town so that they invariably take you there, no matter where you say you want to go.

We booked a minibus to Lanta from a nice hotel downtown, and were picked up at 10:30, amazed that our 11 O’clock bus was leaving early (unheard of!). No, we soon discovered, it wasn’t leaving early, it was taking us to met Satan’s little helpers. The minibus dropped us off at Satan’s Travel Agency at 10:35, and we knew that things weren’t going to be as easy as they had seemed. We knew about Satan’s T.A. from a previous trip to Krabi, when the taxi driver from the airport took us there to buy ferry tickets to Koh Phiphi against our will. On that occasion, we escaped by refusing to get out of the car and demanding he take us straight to the pier where we KNEW we could buy tickets. “No, no,” he said, “you have to buy tickets here.” We didn’t, and we knew it, so we escaped.

But this time, we were delivered into the hands of the unfriendliest people in all Thailand.

It starts friendly. “Hello, the bus will leave in 30 minutes, come inside and wait.” They call. I knew what was coming, and said, “No thanks, I’ll wait outside.” “Come inside” they replied, slightly less friendly. “No, I’m fine thanks” I replied again. “Come inside and let us show you our wares or we will slaughter you and eat your flesh” they coerced. Chica went in. “Where are you staying on Koh Lanta?” she was asked by Satan’s daughter. “We’ll find a place once we get there.” Replied Chica. This statement incurred the wrath of the demon. “No – you shall not – Koh Lanta is almost all closed – if you don’t book through us you will burn in the fires of hell for all eternity!” Not fearing the demon, Chica stoically refused their demand that we book through them and hecne give them a hefty comission. The demon grudgingly handed over the post-it notes that passed for tickets, and made us wait. As we had not booked through Satan, we had to suffer, so the 11:00 bus became, without any notice, the 12:00 bus. “You don’t want to book through us? Well then, wait – hahahahahahahah!” Ok – it wasn’t quite this bad – but they were really nasty unfriendly people and seriously p*ssed us off.

Finally, the minibus left. We were the only two passengers – and obviously no-one except us was happy about this. Our driver looked like a cross between Yogi Bear and Kim Jon Il – I’m not sure if his hair was supposed to be an afro or just a bouiffant… After driving for 15 minutes, he stopped outside a 7-11 and went in. This was OK – everybody needs to stock up on essentials sometimes. But then, after another 15 minutes, he stopped the minibus, and with no word to us, crossed the road and started shopping for – birdcages. This blew our fuses, so I climbed up to the front of the bus and started honking the horn over and over. He ignored us. More honking. He sauntered back across the road and climbed into the bus. “Whattya think you’re doing?” we asked. “duhhhh! I was shopping!” he replied. If only we knew some really filthy words in Thai, it would have been the perfect time to use them. If our surly driver was going to stop for shopping every 15 minutes, it was going to be a looooong trip.

Anyway, after a 2 hour drive including two ferry crossings – from the mainland to Koh Lanta Noi (Small Koh Lanta), then from Koh Lanta Noi to Koh Lanta Yai (Big Koh Lanta - our destination), we made it. The driver dropped us outside the Koh Lanta office of Satan’s T.A., so we just hoisted our bags and walked away before the minions of hell could have a second shot at us.

Then we walked. It rained – not a lot, just a bit. We walked along the northernmost beach of Koh Lanta. Supposedly a glittering place full of life and crystal clear water – it was dead. Almost nowhere was open, there were no people except for 3 old muslim women and a muslim man breaking the commandments of their faith by getting drunk on Thai whisky on the beach. It was so depressingly sad that we decided to walk on. An hour later, we were halfway down the next beach – a 2 kilometer stretch of sand backed by casuarinas and small bunglaow-type resorts – almost all of which were closed. We finally found one that was open, and enquired about rooms. A nice Chinese-Thai man showed us round. Big, clean thatched bungalows for 300 baht to 700 baht, depending on aircon and location. Not a bad option, we thought, but decided to look on a bit more.

Long Beach Resort

The next place (one of only 4 operations on the beach open in May) was paradise. Modern-Thai architecture, electric golf carts to drive you from the beach bar to the front desk (so you didn’t actually have to – god forbid - walk the the 100 metre distance!). The bungalows were SO nice…we were tempted, even though it was US$280 a night… but we figured that was a little OTT, so we went back to the last place “Long Beach Resort” and took a 300 baht bunglalow.

Then it started raining again, only this time it was like someone had broken the sky – just like in Khao Sok N.P – a real tropical downpour. We sat in the resaurant and drank beer and watched the rain thrash the palm trees about. It was pretty cool, actually.

Stormy Weather

Next day it was sunny but blustery. Our Satan T.A.-inspired bad mood had faded, and we realised that Koh Lanta in the off-season was not depressingly empty, but rather pleasantly deserted, It was like going to the seaside in winter. The sea was so rough that you couldn’t swim, but there were long empty beaches to walk along, and we sat for hours just watching the waves crash on shore and toss giant logs and other flotsam (or is it jetsam) around. It would have been like a winter seaside holiday except that it was 30 degrees and we could walk around in shorts.

Flotsam and/or Jetsam

We rented a suzuki jeep, and set off to explore the island. We have become spoiled for islands wince we’ve been in Thailand, and Koh Lanta is not as stunningly tropical as Koh Samui with its 100,000 palm trees – but it is still a beautiful, deeply-jungled island. We drove past the caves in the middle of the island – they look like quite an adventure – but didn’t go in. Drove to the very south of the island where we discovered the nicest bungalows on Lanta – small and simple but stylish - but they are nice partly because they are at the end of a really, really bad road. We thought about staying there when the whole family comes, but the isolation would make shopping for bargains or nipping out to cool beach bars in the evining difficult.

South end of Long Beach

The next few days we drank beer, slept and read. Walked along the beach and ate seafood. It was nice and relaxing.

Staring at the ocean

So the verdict on Koh Lanta? Can’t say. In terms of diving and snorkelling, it is supposed to be near some of the best dive sites there are, but unless you go there in the high-season, the island is so different that it is imposible to tell. The people on the island were nice and very friendly, and with diving, snorkelling, caving, kayaking in the mangroves and day trips to Koh Phiphi all and option, it looks like a fun place to be. It is also a lot cheaper than Phuket – although haggling would be required. The place we stayed at will do us a discount on air-conditioned bungalows with hot-water showers – but fan rooms would probably be fine in the cooler months around new-year.

We plan to go back again in November to see Koh Lanta at its best before we make any judgement…

More info on Koh Lanta click here

Khao Sok - Lost Jungle of Thailand?

2005-05-13T10:40:00.000+07:00

When Chica told her Thai colleagues at work in Bangkok that she was planning a trip to Khao Sok National Park in Southern Thailand, they all said “never heard of it”. My Thai teacher was the same. Although Khao Sok appears in the Thai Tourism Authority “Unseen Thailand” Promotion, it seems to genuinely deserve the title, as it is still unknown to, and certainly unseen by most Thais. The area has been a national park for only 20 years or so - the creation of the national park coincided with the construction of a huge hydro-electric dam. Local legend says that the dam was constructed as much to flood out the communists who were living in the area as it was to generate electricity, but whatever the reason, flooding the valleys not only created power for the south, but also created one of the most beautiful lakes in South East Asia. In fact, the area is made up of several national parks next to each other, but the lake is located in Khao Sok,

We flew into Krabi from Bangkok and rented a car for the 2-hour drive up, although once we arrived we didn’t really need the car and could just have well caught a minibus up for 200 baht. We looked around at a few bungalows next to the nearly dry river that runs just outside the park gates, until we came down to the edge of the river and saw a wire suspension bridge crossing the river between two giant trees. The suspension bridge was so wild and, well, just cool, that we had to cross it to see what was on the other side.

The suspension bridge

Khao Sok Nature Resort

That was how we found our treehouse in the forest. We asked the bungalow owner, a nice Thai woman called Ae if we could see some bungalows. “Sure”, she said, “they’re all unlocked – just go and have a look”. This sounded nice – any place where the bungalows are left unlocked creates a good impression right from the start. We wandered off into the jungle under the massive limestone cliff looking for bungalows – and couldn’t find any. The Khao Sok Nature Resort lives up to its name. There are only half a dozen treehouse bungalows scattered over a huge area on the edge of the forest – and from the restaurant we couldn’t see them at all. We walked into the forest until finally we saw a treehouse in the distance. This was where we knew we had to stay. Our treehouse was simple – the bole of the tree grew up through the middle of the hut built 5 metres off the ground. Inside was a double bed, a mosquito net, a simple but clean toilet and a cold shower head nailed to the tree trunk. It was appropriately named the “Tarzan and Jane House”.

Tarzan and Jane Hut

Settled down, we relaxed in our treehouse listening to the cicadas until hunger drove us out. So we walked to the restaurant, ate dinner and booked ourselves onto a tour of the lake for the following day.

As we started to climb the ladder to Tarzan and Jane after dinner, I saw a glowing bug by the base of the tree. It was a firefly. We took our torches and set off for a walk to see if there were any more. The jungle was completely alive with thousands of fireflies flicking their lamps on and off. It looked like ten-thousand camera flashes at the kick-off of a World Cup final - like a thousand fairies dancing in the woods to the beat of secret rave-music that only they could hear. We crossed back over the bridge and walked along a track in the jungle darkness surrounded by the light show until we came to a small outdoor bar in a clearing. The tables were treetrunks, and the chairs were grass mats with traditional triangular Thai cushions. The music was tacky early-90s easy listening, but the people were friendly, the beer was cold and the light show was amazing.

Afterwards, we walked back through the fairy rave to our treehouse, wrapped ourselves in the mosquito net and fell asleep to the sound of the crickets as it started to gently rain.

The jungle

When you live in the jungle, I guess punctuality is not a major virtue, so our 8:30 pickup for the lake tour came around half-past 9. We wandered down to the river to watch the baby monkeys playing in the trees while we waited. Then we were taken in the back of a pick-up to another bungalow to wait some more for the other members of our tour. We all started calling it “Khao Sok time” – but it was beautiful and nobody cared.

Long-tailed macaque?

An hour-long drive took us to the pier where our international group (8 people, 8 nationalities – German, Austrian, Dutch, French, English, Danish, Japanese and Australian) boarded a long-tail boat. The ride across the lake was like being taken for a tour through an old Chinese ink-painting. Stunning 300 metre limestone cliffs covered with jungle cascading down to the quiet lake.

Lake from our long-tail boat

They call it the ‘Guilin of Thailand’. It reminded us of a smaller-scale version of Haolong bay in Vietnam, not surprising as the limestone is apparently the remains of a giant coral reef that once ran all the way down South East Asia.

Our raft huts

After an hour in our boat, we arrived at the bamboo raft houses run by the national park, ate our packed lunch (rice wrapped in banana leaves), swam (the lake water was warmer than your bathtub), then set off for a hike through the jungle to a cave. This was where we saw the butterflies. Hundreds of butterflies. By the clumps of green butterfly eggs on the rocks, we assumed it was some butterfly orgy – it was beautiful. Large black butterflies with blue wings, bright yellow butterflies, white butterflies. Hundreds of butterflies all sitting on the ground flapping together, landing on our hands and heads as fluorescent blue and green dragonflies buzzed along the stream beside. The yellow butterflies fell in love with the yellow towel that I’d taken along to wipe away the jungle sweat, and refused to leave me, flocking to the corner of the towel poking out of my pocket.

Butterfly orgy

But most fun of all was the cave. You know what most cave tours are like back home – lights, stairs, pathways. This cave had none of those. It had apparently been used as a hideout for the communists from the 60s to the 80s, but there was no trace of human inhabitation except for the remains of charred bamboo from cooking fires – the locals must still go there for bbqs at night. We turned on our torches and went into the cave – stopping to admire the giant scorpion spiders, fish in the underground river, and flocks of bats on the cave ceiling. A couple of times inside the cave there was no space by the river, so we had to swim in the cool, deep river with our torches in our mouths. Our guide, Bom, an ex-park ranger, gathered all our cameras into his bag and held it over his head as he swam through the river. If you ever go on one of these cave tours – beware the “frog-handshake” at the end. Bom likes to pick up giant frogs from the river and hold them out to his guests in the darkness as they leave the cave saying “just hold this for a minute, would you?” We thought someone was drowning when we heard the scream. Never knew German men could scream like that… Bom also showed us how to make a “display frog” – you pick up the frog, cover its eyes, turn it upside down and shake it gently, and it is stunned for a minute. He then puts the frog onto a rock in a buddha-pose where it sits meditating for a minute until it wakes up and jumps back into the river.

River in the jungle

Wetter than wet, we walked back through the butter- and dragonflies to the boat. The evening was spent swimming, eating and drinking Thai whisky on the raft houses. We also went out in the boat for a night safari, but saw nothing apart form a few sleepy Hornbills and a mysterious pair of red eyes in the top of a tree. Apparently there are wild elephants, tapirs, sunbears and tigers in the forest, but they stay in the deep jungle during the dry season, and didn’t show up to be seen by us.

Next morning we went out in the boat again looking for gibbons. We knew they were there by the wild hooting we could hear, but all we saw were some pig-tailed macaques and a solitary dusky langur. Oh, we also saw a wild chicken, which seemed to excite our boat driver, but none of us were particularly impressed. It didn’t matter – the lake was so beautiful, and the gibbon calls so entrancing, that just being out in the boat was enough.

Back to the raft houses for breakfast, we packed up and got back in our boat for trip to climb up to a viewpoint on the way back to the pier. The climb up was steep, hot and hard, but the view from the top was worth it – the lake and limestone cliffs stretched out in a vista in front of us - for about 10 minutes until the rain started to fall like somebody broke the sky. At the end of the dry season, the rain normally falls for 20 minutes then it is back to hot and sunny, but on this day, it started raining and didn’t really stop for the next three days. Climbing down the hill, some of us caught our leeches before they could get attached – including Bom who had a leech crawl up his shorts and try to attach itself to his penis – but two of our group didn’t even notice until we got back to the national park headquarters two hours later and they were covered in blood (stomach and legs, fortunately). They apparently didn’t even feel the leeches gorging themselves on tasty foreigner blood.

View over the lake

The ride back in the pickup was freezing cold for us inside the cab – Thais hate to turn off the airconditioner more than they hate anything, so even though we were soaked to our underwear and freezing cold, the driver refused to turn off the airconditioner or open the windows. Chica caught a cold from that and had a fever that night back in our bungalow. I’m sure that most Thais would rather you slapped them round the face with a week-long dead fish than ask them to turn off the airconditioner.

After that, we spent one more night watching rain fall from the broken sky in our bungalow, then drove down to Krabi to catch a minibus down to the island of Koh Lanta, but that’s another story.

One of the great things about a trip to Southern Thailand at the moment is that everything you do, no matter how much fun it is, gives you a double hit of good feeling because not only are you enjoying yourself, you are contributing to the tsunami relief effort. Khao Sok national park, in the mountains that run down the spine of Southern Thailand were obviously not directly affected by the boxing day tsunami – no wave is going to cover the 80 or so kilometers from the coast and penetrate into the mountains. But the locals living next to Khao Sok nevertheless have increasingly come to rely on eco-tourism, both from the few Thais who know of the park’s existence, and from foreigners making short trips up from the resorts of Phuket and Krabi. This year, there have been almost no tourists, but even though everybody is economically suffering, all the people we met at Khao Sok were warm and friendly – overall, it was one of the ‘funnest’ trips we’ve done so far in Thailand.

If'n you're really interested:
click here for the Khao Sok N.P. webpage

otaku

2005-04-29T11:47:00.000+07:00

i am becoming an otaku...

last couple of weeks, i've conquered the world and sailed the seas of the carribean, now i'm reading japanese manga...

it's pretty damn good though...

deathnote

if you're interested

a holiday in cambodia

2005-04-20T08:56:00.000+07:00

here is the full, stunning report on my r'cent trip to angkor wat. get y'self a beer, sit back and enjoy...

Angkor Wat

April 13th. On the 11 am flight to Siem Reap in Cambodia. Nice to be travelling to an exotic Asian destination without the 10-hour flight. Siem Reap is closer to the Thai border than it is to Phnom Penh, so it is only 50 minutes by air from Bangkok.

April 13th is Songkran – Thai New Year. We were worried that we wouldn’t get a taxi, but we called down to the guard in front of our building and he had one here in 5 minutes. There’s a 30 baht surcharge if you phone for a taxi, so the guards out front just walk down the street and grab one for you. Very easy. Songkran roads in Bangkok were empty so we were at the airport in 20 minutes. That’s another thing about Bangkok – with the new expressways, we can be at the airport in 30 minutes. Sydney and Amsterdam are the only other places I’ve been to where it’s so easy to get to the airport. It’s always around 150 baht to the airport, but I gave the driver 200 and said “sawasdee bi mai” – Happy New Year. He smiled and we were on our way.

Terrorism in Southern Thailand has been spreading lately, it had been limited to 3 muslim provinces on the Malasian border, but the week before had reached out to a neighbouring Buddhist province - so there were soldiers at the airport waving a metal detector wand over people’s bags as we went in – never seen that before. Guess they thought that Songkran would be a good time for terrorists to target the airport.

Chose the right queue for check-in. That feels so good!

As we flew into Siem Reap, we realised that we were in the middle of nowhere. It is the dry season, so the rice fields were all brown and dry. Coconut trees, thatched huts and dirt roads were all we saw as we flew in, even though I had my neck twisted to the window to try to get an aerial shot of Angkor Wat.

From the air

The airport is new but tiny. Visa and customs were relatively quick, although the men on immigration duty were exactly the right age and personality type to have been ex-Khmer Rouge soldiers – probably were. I stood at the counter wondering how many people my immigration officer had tortured and killed as I smiled and tried to look like the photo in my 9 year old passport. My Cambodian visa was stamped into the last page of my passport – I’ve never filled up a passport before.

Coming from Bangkok, the 38 degree heat was not a shock to us when we stepped out of the airport. Our driver was waiting for us. $20 U.S. for a day for a driver and a car in Cambodia! Apparently the average monthly wage for a civil servant is $20, so although it seemed cheap to us, it is good money there.

Our hotel was lovely. A brand-new boutique hotel with only 64 rooms and a nice swimming pool in a central courtyard. Usually $75 dollars a night, we got it for $45 at the “embassy rate”. Dumped our bags, changed into shorts, and off we went to explore Angkor.

The tickets for the Angkor Wat complex are controlled by a Korean Company (?!). We gave our driver $60 each for a 7 day pass along with a passport photo each, and he came back with two nicely laminated passes. Our passes were religiously but politely checked every time we went into a temple over the next 5 days.

First, we went to Angkor Wat itself. Wow. It is huge. We knew it was going to be big, but it is HUGE. The outer wall is over a kilometre long. It is amazing. Built around 900 years ago by some king whose name I never did remember, it is a Hindu/Buddhist temple which is incredible now, but must have been mindblowing when it was constructed. Beautiful stone blackened by the years, sculpted and shaped into an incredibly complex structure. Everywhere there was a bare bit of wall, intricate carvings had been done. Decorative motifs around the doors and lintels, hundred metre carvings of Hindu epics and great battles of the time, and everywhere, the placid and yet extremely sexy carvings of the Apsaras – dancing goddesses who according to the guidebook were given as rewards to kings and heroes. Even the wife noted that the Apsaras have really lovely breasts.

Apsaras - like Shibuya parapara gyaru

Then it rained. It never rains during Songkran, but we had a brilliant thunderstorm when we were right in the heart of Angkor Wat. Fortunately, we had already climbed down the steep, steep stairs from the topmost section – because neither of us wanted to be on those stairs in the rain. One of the wonderful things about the whole Angkor complex is the fact that they haven’t sanitised it yet. The stairs are steep and broken – there are no handrails to make them safe and modern, you climb up them as the Khmers must have climbed up them 900 years ago. There are almost no signs saying “do not enter”, and if there are, it is because a part of the building is really about to fall down, and you probably wouldn’t go in even if there were no signs. You can climb and walk and clamber almost anywhere you want to. It is like a giant playground for grown-ups.

Angkor Wat in the rain was even more beautiful than Angkor Wat in the dry. The stone turned a glistening silver, the jungle surrounding the temple steamed. We felt like a great adventure had begun, and the “Indiana Jones” themesong started playing in our heads.

We were both tired after our temple clambering, but it was only 4:30, and the temples close at 6:00, so we decided to go to Ta Prohm, the temple that the French decided to leave “as is” so that later people could know the thrill of seeing a temple swallowed by the jungle. The rain had scared off most of the tourists, and so we had the wonderful Ta Prohm to ourselves. Have you seen Tomb Raider? The scene where Lara walks through the temple with the butterflies was filmed in Ta Prohm. From the mysterious gates in the outer wall with their enigmatic faces staring in the four cardinal directions, you walk down a path through thick jungle to the temple proper, where twisted roots of giant trees grab deep into the stone of the temple like giant fists squeezing and squashing an orange. The temple is a maze of fallen stone, tiny courtyards, twisting corridors. We walked around it for an hour without having any idea of where we were or where we started from. We clambered up on top of piles of stone quarried almost a thousand years ago and shaped into a beautiful temple, which now had been knocked down by the ages into our personal playground. Again, nobody told us not to and we were free to climb and explore as we wished. We both realised that we had made it to Angkor ‘in time’. A friend working on the conservation of Angkor and based in the Japanese Embassy in Phom Penh had said to us “see it within the next six months, development is going so fast that it will lose its ‘specialness’ after that”. I think six months is pessimistic, I think it probably had about two more years – although I am sure it has already lost a lot of the wild charm it must have had ten years ago when there were an average of only 40 visitors a day to the whole 100 square kilometre Angkor site and most of it was still full of landmines.

Ta Prohm

Thoroughly happy and exhausted after our first afternoon, we drove into the old market area of Siem Reap and wandered through the markets, had dinner then home to bed. Normally, the town attached to a famous site like Angkor Wat becomes touristy and tacky, but Siem Reap has charm. The markets are not much to speak of – most of the stuff there we can buy in the weekend markets in Bangkok. But the old town area is all French colonial buildings remodelled into beautiful cafes and restaurants. Delicious Angkor Beer is $1, and a dinner for two is less than $10. Cambodian food is nothing to write about though, especially coming from Thailand.

The Old Market area Siem Reap

We were asleep by 8:30 – our legs shaking from the climbing and walking we had done.

Next morning the alarm got us up at 5 am. This was our pattern all week. Up at 5, out the door at 5:30. The temples open from 6:00, but most people don’t get there until 7 or 8 which is crazy, but nice, as the temples are magical and empty before the sun comes up. The mist from the jungle and the soft light gives a romantic and mysterious atmosphere.

Second day we went to watch the sun rise from the temple at the top of a hill between Angkor Wat and Angkor Thom. The climb up the hill was hard, especially at 6 am. Later in the day they have elephants you can rent if you don’t feel like walking, but they were stilla sleep with the tourists, I guess. The sunrise from the top was nothing to speak of. Then down the hill to the Bayon temple in the middle of the Angkor Thom Complex. Angkor Thom is the heart of the whole Angkor area, just as Angkor Wat is the symbol. The Bayon lies at the centre of an area marked out by walls stretching 3 kilometers to a side. 90 percent of the area within the walls is thick topical jungle, apparently full of cobras and clear of landmines, but it was the latter that scared us more than the former.

If you’ve seen a photo of Angkor, you’ve probably seen the faces on the Bayon. The word ‘enigmatic’ could have been invented to describe them. Peaceful, beautiful and HUGE, they stare off in all four directions from the 51 towers of Bayon (I think there are 51, or maybe there used to be, but now there are only 36 – whatever). There is argument as to whether the faces are god, or whether they are an image of the king, or whether they are both. Whatever – they are incredible. Everywhere you look around you, the same face stares off into the distance and the jungle beyond. Like all the temples of Angkor, Bayon is designed to represent Mount Meru, the ancient home of the gods, but it is at Bayon where you feel this most strongly. A mountain of grey stone stained with grey-green lichen, decorated with faces and carvings and the ever-present firm-breasted Apsaras. Again, there are levels, and corridors twisting like a maze. We walked around until the tour buses started to arrive. The tour buses at Angkor are mini-scale, largely because the only entrance across the moat and through the surrounding wall are the entrances built 900- years ago, and they were designed just wide enough for an elephant to pass through. This is another thing that lends an innocent charm to the atmosphere.

We sat and were overcharged for soft-drinks, pineapple and bananas at one of the many small stalls that sit a respectful distance back from the temple ($2 when it clearly should have been $1.50), then went back into the temple again once the sun hit the giant faces for more photographs. Angkor is a photographer’s dream – so much to take, and a photographer’s nightmare – so big. Then back to the hotel for breakfast, a swim and a sleep.

We went out again in the early afternoon. First down to the old market area which was to become our favourite ‘hang-out’ for lunch, then off to see more temples in the afternoon. We went to several temples (Preah Rup and Ta Som) which anywhere else in the world would be landmarks and tourist attractions in their own right, but when compared to Angkor Wat, Ta Prohm and Bayon were fairly “yeah, it’s a temple, whatever”. So we went back to Angkor Thom and walked down a track through the jungle to the East gate, the ‘Gate of the Dead’.

Gate of the Dead - Bayon

Nobody goes there because you have to walk a kilometre and a half – but it is great. The gate is wrapped in the jungle, with the ever present faces of the king/god staring off into the distance. We would have done some exploring in the jungle but for terror of landmines. Then back to Angkor Wat again for a sunset which never happened. For some reason the Khmer New Year is one day later than the Thai one, so there were thousands of Happy Khmers at the temple. While we didn’t have the atmosphere of having it empty, there was something nice about seeing thousands of locals picnicking and frolicking in their national treasure.

Next day, we set off on a long drive north for which we had to pay our driver an additional $20 for petrol to see Bantey Srei - the “Pink Temple” and Kbal Spean - the “River of a Thousand Lingams”. The Pink Temple has the best carvings of any of the temples (some of which were famously stolen by and subsequently recovered from a French man who later went on to become the French Minister of Culture!). The central section is closed and roped off! Boo. As we were the first and only people there, the guard let us sneak in to have a quick look, but then stood near us saying “please hurry” until we gave up and left. The river of a thousand lingams is at the top of a hill an hour walk from the carpark below, but there was no water to flow over the Shiva lingams and carvings on the river bed, so it was more like the ‘dry riverbed of a thousand lingams’ and not impressive at all.

In the afternoon, after another nap and swim at the hotel, we went to Banteay Kdey temple – which was nice in a ruined roman sort of way, then back to our favourite, Ta Prohm for another walk around. It felt like a completely different place without the rain, but we happily walked around for an hour, then sat at a stall just outside and had Angkor beer until the sun set and a guard politely threw us out.

Monks in Ta Prohm

Day four we decided to stay near Angkor, having been disappointed by our long drive to see nothing the previous day. Sunrise (again, it didn’t rise – wrong time of the year for spectacular sunrises and sunsets) at Angkor Wat. Another walk through Angkor Thom – this time another kilometre and a half to the West gate. Then out to the West Baray – a huge irrigation pond built at the same time as the temples for rice growing. The Baray is a place where Khmers go, not really for foreign tourists, as there is nothing to see. The local custom is to rent a hammock under an umbrella on the shores of the Baray and drink, eat and play cards. We didn’t play cards, but otherwise we did as the locals do – really nice custom. Made me want to set up a ‘hammock bar’ back home.

Kids in the Western baray

Back to the hotel in time for breakfast, again slept through the hot part of the day. Lunch in the old market at the Red Piano bar, great French-style café in a 100 y/o Colonial building complete with signed photos of Angelina Jolie from when she was there filming Tomb Raider.

After that, we went to Preah Khan which was nice, but again we were so spoiled by this stage that it was ‘another temple’. Then to Bayon again for more photos in the afternoon sun – they say you should go to Bayon in the morning, but the afternoon light really brings out the definition in the carved faces beautifully. We finished the day at Ta Prohm again – this had become our favourite place by now. We went inside to our favourite courtyard and climbed up a fallen doorway and sat and watched the few tourists there in the afternoon file past and take photos in front of the door used in Tomb Raider.

Our last day in Cambodia, we decided to go for a long drive out to Beng Melea temple, about 90 kilometers North-East of Siem Reap. We were worried that it would be a long drive for a repeat of two days previously where there was nothing much to see. No way. A drive on a new dirt road through countryside that must not have changed much in 900 years. No electricity. No toilets – they go in the rice fields, I guess. No real houses to speak of - mostly just thatched huts in amongst the coconut palms. Lots of bicycles and ox carts.

Beng Melea is really a Tomb Raider experience. A HUGE temple almost completely swallowed by the jungle. This was the wildest place we’d been to by far. The demining effort had only been completed the year previously – for a space of two kilometres around the temple, we were told. We saw far too many one-legged farmers hopping around on crutches in the nearby villages.

We spent two hours climbing around Beng Melea. You have to climb over fallen walls and collapsed structures. It was wonderful. This is a place which will change a lot in the next few years. For now, you still have complete freedom – you can climb anything you want, through broken window ledges and half-collapsed doors into long dark corridors. There is not much to be seen in the way of carvings. We were told that the Khmer Rouge had stolen and carried off most of them two years ago, but it didn’t detract from the feeling – just as the first foreigners to see the temples must have felt when they were taken to them sleeping in the deep jungle hundreds of years ago.

Beng Melea

And that was it. Back to Siem Reap, one last beer in the old market before we were back to the airport. The couple checking in ahead of us had travelled halfway around the world to see Angkor and had 4 transfers on their way home. We were in bed in our own apartment by 10pm. I would have travelled halfway around the world to see Angkor, but I was glad I didn’t have to.

angkor

2005-04-19T08:36:00.000+07:00

took a holiday in cambodia - it's tough, but it's life...

angkor is amazing - especially the temples that are still half-swallowed by the jungle.

although it is starting to become organised and developed, there is still a sense of wildness and lack of rules in the area that is refreshing and fun.

nice titties on the apsaras carved on the temples too - grrr...woof!

apsaras at ta prom

ta prom

bayon

angkor wat

angkor beer - slightly fruity, yet refreshingly dry...

bakery

2005-04-03T19:22:00.000+07:00

last week it was hot cross buns for easter, this week it was chelsea buns for brunch...

getting damn good at this baking thing!

easter

2005-03-27T13:13:00.000+07:00

having lived amongst the heathens for so long now, easter has kinda lost its meaning - i.e. a 4 day long-weekend!

but this year, i heard that it was easter, and so got all into the swing of the season by baking hot cross buns...

i am getting really, really domestic...

they were good, too...

you'll notice there are of course mangos ripening in the background...

my friend the mango

2005-03-24T13:42:00.000+07:00

little mango guy...

been studying about mangos recently...

there are about a dozen different types of mangos available on the street in thailand... my favourite, the "water tree" mango (sweet with a touch of sourness), the ridiculously sour "rhino mango", the tasty "glass mango", the floury-apple tasting "green saweree mango" (no idea what this translates as), and the big juicy "sky noise" mango (apparently so named because the skin of the mango has a tendency to split when there are loud thunderstorms!)...what's really wierd though, is that the thais tend to eat them while they are still green, and they put loads of chilli and salt on them!

in honour of my favourite thai fruity friend, the mango, "mr mango" will now make an appearance dancing at the top of your browser until someone gets p*ssed off at him and asks me to take him away...

get down and boogie, mr mango. you are king of all fruit!

turtle party

2005-03-22T08:49:00.000+07:00

dontcha just love turtles?

saw these guys when we were having a picnic in the local park...

the local

2005-03-08T21:19:00.000+07:00

...when i'm alone in the evenings, i usually go to the same place to have dinner.

it's just around the corner - maybe a 5 minute walk if i walk slowly. i go there because it is a typical thai restaurant. no air conditioning. no windows, even. well, they have one window, but i don't know why, it's just one pane of glass seemingly randomly inserted in the middle of the big empty space that divides street and shop...

most places around here are not typical thai restaurants. most are closed in, air conditioned. classy - we live where the foreigners live, so there is a lot of class for thailand around here.

but when i'm alone, i don't want class. i want somewhere thai. if i wanted really thai, i could sit on a plastic stool on the side of the road and eat - but with the fumes from the traffic in bangkok, that's not nice - i don't know how the thais do it. so i go to my local - have no idea what the name is - order a plate of thai curry and a pepsi (it comes in the old-style glass bottles). sit and read a book, eat, and watch the world go by.

when the bill comes, it is less than $1.

ah, thailand.

dinner was the only time i left the house today, so my total expense account for this day in bangkok was about 90 cents...

hey big spender!

happy to be back in the heat after my winter sojourn (spelling?), but even less motivated than usual this week...

not a lot of snow in thailand

2005-03-08T21:17:00.000+07:00

...but there was a lot in sapporo, japan.

a typical suburban street in sapporo

filthy porn

2005-03-08T19:27:00.000+07:00

...has been removed.

sorry for any offence, but the shady swamp accepts no liability whatsoever for any shock or discomfort caused by viewing picture of my ass.

not been up to much lately - back in the swamp means back in the international man of leisure life - i.e. doing nothing.

brought back civilisation III from korea, played that for a couple of days. slept a bit today.

just the usual.

all right, if you think you're ready for it

2005-02-26T00:32:00.000+07:00

so, in response to certain criticisms of my last post, here is my ass in full technicolour glory, as circulating amongst the korean community mentioned in last post...

THIS IMAGE REMOVED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT

my ass

korea

2005-02-24T07:47:00.000+07:00

ok - so although my plane sat on the snowy runway for almost an hour, we eventually flew, and now i'm in ...KOREA! land of eating way too much meat and drinking far, far too much.

one thing i've found out since i got here, apparently my naked photo is circulating on the korean internet...

well, at least there's a picture of my bare-ass naked butt taken when i was on the beach in oz on several of my friends' websites...

i'm a korean porn star!

complete lack of respect for ramen

2005-02-21T08:48:00.000+07:00

ok...so as a ramen appreciateur, i suck.

went to ラーメン共和国 (Republic of Ramen)...but all the places had long queues. the swamp does not queue. not for the post office, not for the bank, and not for ramen. i think they make the queues longer on purpose to make their place look popular - each place had at least two empty tables, even though there were 20 people waiting to get in...

but, i did eat ramen. in another perfect example of why i will never be a ramen appreciatuer, i had no camera. fancy eating ramen and not taking a picture of it!

the place was a well-spoken of local near my japanese family's house called 道 (mitchi). it has a good rep for using no artificial flavouring. being in hokkaido, i decided to go for the miso... the soup was so thick it was like they'd dumped my ramen in a miso-flavoured potage soup. the noodles were so-so. the chashew was good, though, a single chunky slice.

so, giving up on the idea of being a freelance roving ramen-reporter under contract to the only man worth the name "ramen lover" - shoe; and going back to my real love - hot springs!

off to an onsen this afternoon - looking to find one with a view out over the snow and the ocean.

snow

2005-02-18T14:46:00.000+07:00

there be alot of snow in sapporo...

it be cold - the tips of my fingers were freezing with my weak little finger-less gloves i bought for the warm-cold of england... it's probably -6 outside here, where it never got much below 0 while we were in the u.k. for new year...

i saw a sign at sapporo station for the ラーメン共和国 - the "Republic of Ramen"...looks like there are about 10 ramen shops in one floor of the station building - made me think of mr. tanpopo himself, the shoe... if i had have been him, i would have leapt straight into noodle-slurping action... but i didn't, and i am ashamed at my amateurism...

ramen report will have to wait.

for now, i'm enjoying what is best in a cold place, sitting inside, in front of the heater, watching the snow fall outside! yay...

ramen

2005-02-17T07:05:00.000+07:00

...tonight, at half-past-midnight, i'm off to sapporo.

just goin' to do a yearly greeting to the rellies, and grab me some hokkaido powder (snow - not coke)

now, as you may know, sapporo is a bit of a holy land for ramen...

so, as a tribute to the shoe, who inspired me to create this blog, i intend to photograph and report on some 'guest ramen' during my travels...

i only hope my humble attempts at ramen appreciation do not offend the master...

Snow

2005-02-15T00:23:00.000+07:00

i got my "cold fix" at new year in the uk.

but cold wasn't as tough as i remembered it. it isn't that nice, and i wouldn't like to go back to living with it everyday for half a year, but it is definitely deal-with-able.

that said, the uk cold was pretty p*ss-ass weak cold - not like -30 in Chicago or anything.

So, at the end of this week, i'm off to sapporo for a coupla days to have some real cold. if that's not cold enough, gonna go over to seoul for a coupla days after that.

then, when i come back to thailand, i'm gonna go to a tropical island...

what else would you do?

elephants crossing

2005-02-08T18:39:00.000+07:00

...somehow, you know you're in thailand when you see roadsigns like this...

post tsunami phuket

2005-02-07T20:23:00.000+07:00

when you were a kid, did you think "phuket" was pronounced "fuck et"?

i did. and i wanted a t-shirt...

now, of course, being world-wise and all, i know better.

went to phuket on the weekend. seems to be rebuilding itself - although saw some massive devastation too... must have been really, really scary

also saw some wicked sunsets tho'...island life - unless ur being swamped by a 10 meter wave, u can't beat it!

sweet f/a

2005-02-04T13:31:00.000+07:00

so, what's been going on in the swamp?
sweet f/a, that's what.

haven't been posting, 'cos it's hard to make insightful comments about life in bkk when i haven't been going anywhere or observing anything.

the week so far has been:
monday - thai class in the morning, long nap in the arvo
tuesday - stayed home and read a novel start to finish ("zodiac") didn't leave the flat
wednesday - thai class in the morning, stayed home and read in the arvo ("the gunslinger")
thursday - thai class in the morning, grocery shopping in the arvo
today - watched crap john travolta movie on hbo

from the subsite - u'll know that the swamp is going smoke-free - that has precluded going out to any beer gardens or anything, i just couldn't take it yet...

tell u what tho' - lung power has been returning - walked up the stairs to our 34th floor flat three times in the last four days...starting to enjoy it...

off to phuket this weekend tho' - gonna go and see what it looks like after the tsunami and see it with almost no people...

will report later

...aint doin' nuthin'

2005-02-01T08:29:00.000+07:00

i aint been doing nuthin recently...

go to thai school three times a week - learning a bit.

reading a bit

sleeping

swimming and working out

the weather has finished the thai "winter" where it gets down to 20 degrees at night, and now its geting hot again - like a lovely mid summer day every day...

ahhh...

...i can't touch the ceiling

2005-01-24T20:31:00.000+07:00

hey - i just realised - i can't touch the ceiling in my flat - it's too high.
that's kinda cool...

bangkok traffic

2005-01-20T15:31:00.000+07:00

ok, so after thai school today, i go up the road to jusco and carrefour to do some shopping. don't normally go up there, but haven't been for a while, so i figure, what the heck.
shopping is noneventful, but i buy a case of chang beer - so have to take a taxi back home (i'd have to anyway, as the subway is closed this week due to the accident).

taxi takes me an hour and a half!

if there was no traffic, you could drive home from carrefour in 5, maybe 10 minutes. i've walked it in less than an hour.

the traffic lights kept stopping us for 15 minutes each time, and each time we stopped, around 170 motorbikes would pass us, weaving through the rows of stopped cars (i know it was 170 'cos i counted - nothing else to do)

and people wonder why i don't go out much!

back to thai school

2005-01-19T09:49:00.000+07:00

...ok - so i had my lazy run, but i've been here almsot a year, and still can't say much more in thai than "turn left at the next corner" and "can't you make it a little cheaper?"
so, today i'm back to thai school!
tell you how it goes later

subway crash in bangkok

2005-01-17T11:17:00.000+07:00

... so the maid comes in today at noon and says "you no hear about rot fai dai din (subway) crash?"
seems that an empty train collided with a full passenger train this morning!
the system has only been open for 6 months!
good thing we don't commute, huh?

breadmaker

2005-01-11T20:15:00.000+07:00

the aroma of freshly baked bread wafting thru the flat first thing on a sunday morning...

hopefully that will be what we will have here in the swamp soon, as i bought a new breadmaker today!

how terribly, terribly domesticated i have become...

back in the swamp...

2005-01-09T09:26:00.000+07:00

ahhh... back in the swamp - everyday faced with that terrible choice of "what exactly do i do today?"
all you non-swampers may be envious at my life of extreme leisure, but let me tell you, it's not easy living the swamp life... i have major decisions to make each day - such as "do i get out of bed today or not?"...
anyway - thought i'd show you some of my pictures of new year to show you how pretty and, surprisingly, sunny, ingerland was...

canal boat

holmfirth, yorkshire

whitby, yorkshire

back home

2005-01-06T09:33:00.000+07:00

...best thing about going somewhere cold is coming back to the warmth.
- not that it's that hot here at this time of year - the electronic display outside the airport said it was 21 degrees when we got back at 8:30 am yesterday - that's not that different from yorkshire...

first thing i noticed was that the food is cheap - we went out for dinner last night, ate well, had a bottle of beer, and it was still less than a pub lunch for one in the uk. second thing i noticed was the mosquitos... arrrrrgh! i had forgotten them...

what else - the plants were mostly dead, the fish are still alive - in fact - they seem to have multiplied and grown big... neglect must be good for them.

fridge is full of food that i'm scared to touch - milk, yogurt and even a slice of pizza from far too long ago... wonder if i can get the maid to throw them out for me - of course i can - i'm back in thailand - no doing anything for myself anymore!

regarding the tsunami - have decided not to go to phuket just now - it seems that i'd just be in the way, and taking up food and shelter that others need more than i do...

grim

2004-12-30T15:17:00.000+07:00

...christmas was spent on a canal boat. it was cold but sunny. the canal froze. hahahaha!
now i'm in yorkshire - pretty place - cold, and rains alot though...

i have, strangely enough, adjusted to the cold...the lowest it has gotten down to is -3, which isn'treally that cold. usually it hovers around 5 or 6 degres...

but, as i suspected, it has been nice to remember cold, but i like the heat more.

oh yeah - if anyone reading this doesn't know, i wasn't in thailand when the tsunami hit. woulda been on phuket probably if i hadn't been here, so that was a good choice... will go to phuket when i get back...if i can't actually help out, i can at least support their businesses. thinking of starting a drink a pina colada for the victims' campaign - sell pina coladas on the beach and give all profits to people who lost their homes...

yorkshire

cold and wet...

2004-12-21T16:52:00.000+07:00

its cold, its wet, the post office is shite, the trains don't run on time...

yes - ingerland is whingerland...nothing so popular as having a good moan!

hahahaha - gotta love the poms - only they can make themselves so completely happy by being miserable!

beer is good, cold is really cold (have remembered cold all too well - have to say, its fun for a bit, but bangkok heat is gonna be glorious when i get back) we may even have snow for chrissie - bookmakers have dropped the odds to 2-1 for a white xmas...

huzzah!

don't try to throw up in a tesco's bag...

2004-12-17T13:57:00.000+07:00

so, was a little hung over yesterday morning after a night of boozing in some of london's finer establishments... it was the shot of mekong when we came home that did it to me!

was feeling woozy, so went into the kitchen to get a plastic bag in case needed to throw up...every single tesco's bag had small holes in the bottom (good thing i checked, huh?)

cultural tip for the unwary!

Ingerland...

2004-12-15T15:25:00.000+07:00

...so, i'm in ingerland!
it's cold, and it's grey, and the people are twisted...
looking out the window, i see tiled roofs, bare wintery trees,
no coconut or mango trees in sight!
ahhh - ingerland...

vertigo

2004-12-12T06:53:00.000+07:00

...on the 61st floor rooftop of the banyan tree hotel in the center of downtown bangkok is "vertigo" - apparently the highest open-air rooftop bar and restaurant in the south pacific...

pretty fine place to watch the sunset with a cocktail or two...

cocktails about B300, beer around B250... free bowl of cashew nuts...

damn but bangkok's grown up!!

vertigo

xmas...

2004-12-11T08:04:00.000+07:00

...in my family, the tradition at xmas has always been to drink champagne and open xmas crackers. then we sit around with our silly paper hats on laughing at the bad jokes in the crackers...
...this year, as we will be o/s for xmas, we had a mini-xmas yesterday. of course, there was champagne and xmas crackers...
the joke of the day:

"who invented flavoured chips?"
"sultan vinegar"

hahahahahahahah!

merry xmas!

sunrise

2004-12-08T08:04:00.000+07:00

so, recently, it doesn't matter what time i go to bed, i've been waking up at 6am...
turning into a farm granddad...!
means i get to see lots of sunrises though...very 'apocalypse now' at this time of year...except instead of jungles and swamps, i get bangkok in the foreground...

two nap-per day week...

2004-12-03T19:49:00.000+07:00

this week has been tough...
one nap per day just hasn't cut it, so i've moved up the napping to two naps per day.
had to go out this afternoon, so only managed one - just not enough for the international man of leisure... but what today's nap lacked in quantity, at least it made up for in quality. a good outside nap on the balcony wrapped up in the hammock. i discovered when i was talking to the hammock man at the market on the weekend that it is possible to actually wrap myself up in my hammock, not just lie on it! all these months, i never knew!
ah, life in the swamp is tough...

mantis

2004-12-03T08:18:00.000+07:00

cool preying mantis that was hanging around ouside our bungalow on koh samet... this guy was BIG...

fish

2004-12-02T13:42:00.000+07:00

...so, been doin' some pretty wicked cooking lately...
every time we go to the islands, we eat the best fresh fish bbq'd or steamed or fried.
last weekend, went to the supermarket, and found out that when you buy fish here, they'll gut it and scale it for u! i don't gut fish, 'cos it's kinda gross, but if they're gonna do it for you, well, hey, i'm happy with that. Fish is also really cheap, we paid about $2 for a big fresh sea bream...
so, here is the swamp's baked chilli and ginger fish recipe:

ingredients:
one big ass fresh fish gutted and scaled - i like sea bream
2 hot red chillis
4 garlic cloves, chopped
a bit of fresh ginger, chopped
one quarter of a stick o' fresh lemongrass
juice from 2 small limes
2 tablespoons of sunflower oil
salt

method:
1. dump the chilli, garlic, ginger and lemongrass in the blender. blend it. put paste into a bowl and stir in oil and lemon juice. add salt if u like it.
2. wash the fish. slice three gashes down each side. then put a bit of the blended mixture inside the fish where the guts were, smear the rest over each side. jam the paste deep down into the gashes u've cut so the flavour gets in. whack it in the fridge for a coupla' hours
3. preheat the oven to about 180C. whack the fish into a baking tray on some foil, chuck it in the oven. give it 10 minutes on one side, then turn it over, smear on the remaining chilli paste, and leave it for almost half and hour.
the top will get all crispy with the garlic and stuff, and the bottom side tastes even better 'cos the juices have seeped down!

This is what it looks like before u cook it

damn that's good stuff!

oops...

2004-11-30T21:48:00.000+07:00

didn't wind up leaving the flat at all today...
well, once down to the gym and once to the pool, but that doesn't entail actually leaving the building...

international man of leisure...

2004-11-30T09:58:00.000+07:00

...so recently, the day begins with waking up really early. i don't know why, but i've been waking up at 6am lately - just before sunrise. love watching the world before its awake
go online, check my mail, read the hometown rag - www.smh.com.au
then when the woman goes off to work, i go down to the gym, have a light workout.
come back upstairs - make myself a mango smoothie, listen to some music, read a book, watch a movie on hbo, whatever.
after that, well, can go out, or not, depending on the feeling...might go for a wander of the markets today, chrissie present shopping etc.
damn, its a hard life!
i actually did a full day of work last week - was so tired that afterwards i was in bed by 8:15pm...can't believe that people actually do this thing called "work" on a regular basis...for me, it's 436 days of weekend, one day of work - not a bad balance, i think...

fuck off you wankers

2004-11-29T11:57:00.000+07:00

...got into the elevator coming back from shopping this morning...
the maid from one of the apartments on the 17th floor got in with me. young thai woman in her mid-20s.
she was wearing a "the exploited" t-shirt, with "punks not dead" on the back, and "fuck off you wankers" on the front...
i wish our maid would turn up in a t-shirt like that...

a bit cold, maybe...

2004-11-24T18:46:00.000+07:00

so, just when i say that all i know is hot...

last night i couldn't sleep, so i got up in the middle of the night and plonked myself down in front of the TV - nothing on. but i noticed something - there i was sitting around in just my boxers, and i was...cold. so i put on a singlet. i was still...cold. so i put on a t-shirt.
that was just right.
it must've been about 25 degrees in the middle of the night when i got up - has that become cold to me? can i actually justify it as cold if i'm sitting around in my boxers?

so here is my chart of my NEW understanding of cold as it applies to life in bangkok:

Really Hot: close the windows, put on the airconditioner, sit around naked moving as little as possible.

Hot: leave the windows open with the hope of catching a breeze, turn on the fan, sit around naked.

A Bit Hot: windows open, fan maybe on, maybe off. wearing boxers only.

Cool: windows open, fan off, wearing boxers and a singlet.

Cold: windows open or maybe closed, fan off, wearing boxers and a t-shirt

Freezing: never happens. maybe in the cinema, where i sometimes take a long-sleeved shirt, or in a taxi where you have to ask the driver to turn the AC down...

...and this is the beginning of "winter"... thais are walking the steets with sweaters on in the morning...

I remember cold...

2004-11-23T08:23:00.000+07:00

I remember cold. Vaguely.
I sort of remember it as an unpleasant feeling – but that’s about it. I can’t really remember the exact physical sensations of what it is like to be cold anymore. Rather, I remember the opposite – how great it feels when it’s cold to snuggle up in the blankets in bed, or to sit right next to or on top of a radiator – or to take a crap on one of those great Japanese toilets with the heated seats on a cold winter morning.
But I don’t actually remember exactly what it feels like to be cold.
Recently, cold has come to mean that it’s not comfortable to walk around shirtless. These days, the closest I come to cold is when I have to put on a singlet, when a sarong or just my underwear or just plain naked is just not quite enough (our apartment in on the 34th floor – no-one can see in, so I do walk around naked a lot – try not to imagine it). Or maybe, cold is when I ride the Skytrain, and the sweat on my back starts to chill a bit from the air-conditioning. Or when I’ve been walking around town and I go into a department store or 7-11. That’s cold to me now.
Hot I know. Hot is all I know these days. Hot is a constant film of sweat all across my body. Hot is searching for the perfect underwear so that the sticky insides of my thighs won’t rub together and give me heat rash. Hot is constant applications of baby powder to my feet. Hot is three showers a day. Hot is owning twenty singlets, eight pairs of rubber flips-flops and no shoes.
I like hot, but recently, I’ve been dreaming of cold.
For New Year, I’m going to England. That should be cold. I’ve been looking forward to it so much, I even got my down jacket and fleece out of the ziplock bag in the cupboard I keep them in, turned the airconditioner down way low, and put then on. Only lasted about five minutes before I was gasping. England will be cold – I’m going to rug up in every piece of clothing I can find so that only my eyes peep out through the wool and fleece, and go for long walks outside to remind myself of what the sensation of cold is. I’m sure though, that the best thing about being really cold for a month over New Year will be coming back here to the heat when it’s over.
Because being here and being hot is knowing, absolutely knowing, 100% for certain, that I can go downstairs to the swimming pool at any time of the day or night any day of the year, and it will feel good. That’s if the pool is actually cool, which it isn’t most of the time. Often, it’s like jumping into a tepid bath. Especially during the daytime.
The hot water heater in one of our bathrooms (we have three – expat life) broke down about two weeks ago – but it doesn’t matter, because the last thing I want is a hot shower anyway. The swimming pool in our apartment is often hotter than the cold baths I take (haven’t been putting ice into the bath yet, but it’s an idea I think will work well).
Being here and being hot is wanting to work out, not so much to get fit, but so as to lose any extra weight that it’s too hot to carry around. To increase my body’s skin:weight ratio so that there is as much skin as possible to sweat heat out of for every kilo I carry. I guess that always being shirtless also helps with wanting to work out – the sight of my big white hairy belly looking back at me from the mirror everyday with no shirtly concealment makes for a good incentive. The fact that Thais are so damn little also makes me feel like a gorilla that just swung out of some cold-climate forest in the high mountains of central Africa who should haul his big ape-like ass to the gym.

Ahhh...Bangkok...

finally!

2004-11-03T11:13:00.000+07:00

wow - last night we finally found a great place for a massage. whether is was 'cos i went with the 'lil woman or not i don't know - but it seems above board...
great new place - nicely done up in dark wood, soft relaxing music, lemongrass oil burners...and a traditional thai massage for 300 baht!
my masseuse was called "mo" - although i called her "cinderella" 'cos she wants to marry a prince - and she was good! her motto is "no pain, no gain", so there were times when i was suffering a bit, but i feel damn good today! she had a bit of a problem with the bit where you get lifted up stretching your back, 'cos i'm so heavy and thai masseuses are kinda small... but we all had a good chuckle about that...
ahhh.....

Ancient Art of the Wat Pho Thai Penis Massage - Part II

2004-11-02T08:23:00.000+07:00

so - was talking last night with the wife, and the subject of penis massages came up (not like that - it was a general discusion).
she was talking to her work colleagues on the subject at lunch, and apparently, eveerybody, everywhere gets offered the penis massage bit as part of a massage in bangkok (well, obviously only guys). all of the guys said they thought the same thing -at first - that it was a non-sexual thing, a genuine art of relaxing the penis..
and get this - apparently there IS an ancient art of the penis massage - it supposedly is a non-sexual and extremely theraputic thing that has ben practiced for centuries...
BUT - it is apparently a very difficult technique, and the only masseusses really qualified to do it are - old women - grandmas! so if you want a really unique experience - you need to get an old thai woman to massage your penis...
i'm not sure if i'm fascinated or not...
ask me again in thirty years...

i may be lazy, but at least i don't kill people

2004-10-31T09:23:00.000+07:00

massacre in southern thailand. poor innocent (but not very bright) japanese kid beheaded. u.s. elections a competition between dumb and dumber. even the australian opposition are now saying fighting words about s.e. asia.
can i go live on the moon for three or four years?

i'm so lazy...

2004-10-29T18:38:00.000+07:00

the most exciting thing i did today was go down to the corner to put in some dry cleaning...and i also did some gardening on the balcony. watched a crap movie on HBO about a guy who gets in an accident and gets his parts replaced with animal parts...really bad.
also did some more experimenting with making a movie...need more lights for the blue screen stuff...might go and buy some halogen lamps and try making light boxes for them so the light is evenly diffused on the screen...
i am soooo lazy!
:)

Ancient art of the Wat Pho Penis Massage

2004-10-27T19:07:00.000+07:00

went for a massage the other day with a korean friend who was in town.
been looking for the perfect massage place for a while...the ones on the beach are perfect - you lie back in the shade listening to the waves crashing on the sand as your knotted muscles are worked over... really nice...
but around where we live, they are either kinda dank and lacking in atmosphere, or just kinda suspicious.
well, the one we went to the other day was all that...
i'd scoped it out a few times as i walked home - it's a 5 minute walk from my place. looked clean and respectable. we walked in, i told them that my friend has shoulder problems and wanted work done on his... shoulders. ordered oil massages, 'cos the regular thai massages can really HURT!
the woman i had was in her early 40s, a little on the large side - looked good and strong. fairly confidence inspiring before a massage
well, when i stripped off, modestly leaving my undies on, and she told me to take them off, i thought - "that's ok - i'm cool with that"... means she could work my butt muscles better - a good butt massage is a thing of joy. i was lying on my front anyway, so everything was modestly concealed.
when it was time to roll over (you always roll over half way through a massage - for arms and chest), i thought it would be time to cover up the nether bits with a towel so she could massage the publicly available bits - but not so - i lay there naked as the day i was born as she massaged my arms and chest...then she got a bit lower. i was half asleep - it was a good massage. she called to me "you want me to massage here?" tapping me on my willy.
i am such an innocent guy - i had an image of the fabulous thai art of the penis massage practiced at wat pho - the budhist temple in bangkok where all the best masseuses learn their art. i wondered for a full 5 seconds how it was possible to massage a penis, and then remembered that the penis doesn't actually have any muscles...only then did it dawn on me what i was being offered.
"no, that's ok" i answered - i mean, this woman was the least likely prostitute i've ever seen - not that i would've been up for it anyway - as it says at the top of this page, i don't visit the whores...
so she went on and massaged my legs and feet (between the toes is really good), i finished up and left.
outside, i asked my friend if he'd had the same offer...
"oh yeah", he said "she wanted 10,000 baht" (about 30,000 Japanese yen, or $400 Aus - he said no too, btw)
my friend is not as innocent as me - apparently that kind of thing is well known in korea - its called a "taliban" in korean strangely enough - "tali" for masturbation, and "ban" for room...wonder if the Afghanis know?
so we walked home laughing - i told my wife - she thought it was funny.

so there you go - if you're into that kind of thing - its hard not to find it in bangkok - if you're not and you just want a good massage, well, i'll keep looking...

Bangkok taxis

2004-10-19T08:43:00.000+07:00

there are a lot of taxis in bangkok.
unless ur somewhere really touristy, and sometimes at rush hour, they always use the meter these days - u don't even have to ask them. minimum fare is 35 baht ($1.50 australian or about 100 japanese yen). u can get from khao san road on the west of bangkok to sukhumvit in the east for 100 baht - in fact u can get pretty much anywhere in bangkok for less than 200 baht - even the airport from sukhumvit is 150 baht (tollway is an extra 70 baht).
every now and then u wind up doing the taxi hokey pokey - u get in, tell the driver where u want to go, and they say "mai dai" - can't go - which means they don't want to go there. or they say "200 baht" and u laugh at them and get out and try the next taxi.
but generally, no problems. i have become a taxi person. i taxi everywhere.
the old tuktuks are still here - but the hassle of haggling for fares is too annoying, and it doesn't seem to work out much cheaper anyway. so airconditioned cabs it is. motorbike taxis are popular too, but if it's close enough for a motorbike taxi, i tend to walk. thai's never walk anywhere if they can help it.
the only trouble with taxis is the smell...although most taxis are new and clean, about half of the taxis stink. drivers with nasty halitosis or who have just eaten something with lots of garlic... the worst is when u get stuck in traffic (always) with a stinky driver. u can't open the window for the pollution and heat, so you sit, trying not to breathe as the taxi crawls along...
but my new discovery is the khlong (canal) ferries! they are so cool! no traffic, 8 baht from here to downtown. the ferry rocks up at the jetty, you leap on (literally), climb in, sit if you can. they have plastic curtains running down each side operated by the passengers to keep the FILTHY khlong water from splashing onto passenger. khlong water is 90% poo (the other 10% is urine) so you REALLY don't want to get splashed...
haven't tried the buses yet - apparently they are really, really cheap, but why bus when a taxi is so cheap?

Bangkok Taxis

quit thai school...

2004-10-14T10:12:00.000+07:00

i quit my thai school last week.
i've done enough english teaching to know when the teacher is just rocking up with no preparation, no idea of what we've covered so far, and a general half-assed approach tot he whole thing. finding things out meant that i had to DIG - i mean, i want to be taught - not struggle to find out what i want to know.
so no more of that thai school for me.
this means that i now have no reason to leave the house all week - although i've been out every day this week - unusual for lazy, lazy me...
the reason most foreigners here get good at speaking thai quickly is that they go and chat to the "hostesses" at the go-go bars - but as i don't, my thai doesn't progress...no wonder my japanese got so good so quickly!

and you know what's wierd? most japanese men i know have a massive "language complex" - they can't speak english at all - but here, with the incentive of becoming "charisma man" in the go-go bar scene - they all learn thai really, really quickly.
go figure...

tha' pool

2004-10-12T11:05:00.000+07:00

OK - i'm over my weekend disappointment. not watching the news anymore tho'...it is banished from my tv...
back to the regular routine - doing nothing!
went for a swim yesterday - our pool is about 15 metres, so i figure 70 laps is about a k. did 70 laps yesterday, and was so tired went to bed at 9pm - party, party, party here in BKK...
also went looking for a travel agent that didn't exist to book tickets for my COLD new year sojourn to europe - london, narrow boating, yorkshire, ireland!
bring on the freezing english weather!

tha' pool

more sighs...

2004-10-11T09:03:00.000+07:00

i thought you were supposed to feel all warm and fuzzy after a big erection...
but i feel used and dirty...
even mango smoothies are no solace today...

sigh.....

2004-10-10T07:44:00.000+07:00

oh well, at least i voted.
3 more years of embarrasment -
sigh...

Big Erection in Australia

2004-10-09T07:06:00.000+07:00

there's a big erection in australia this weekend.
i call it an erection 'cos i live in asia, and they always get their "l"s and "r"s mixed up, and also 'cos it's just a bunch of cocks trying to fuck the people! 'scuse the language, but that's how it makes me feel.
i haven't been in australia for a big national erection since 1988 or so...i last voted from england in 1993! so i guess i'm partly to blame for the whole thing. last erection i was determined to vote, but i was very, very hung over. this time i went to bed early last night and didn't drink...gonna nip down to the embassy and vote today...won't make a difference, my local seat is safe labour party...
i just hope that in this erection, we get a new cock to run the country, not so much 'cos i like him or his party, but just so that maybe we can say that we object to stupid dubya...i hope Kerry wins for the same reason. it may not be good for the country in our case, but maybe, just maybe, it might make a little bit of difference in the world. maybe, just maybe, i can go back to being proud to be australian. is that too much to hope for?
from

www.smh.com.au

Tuesday, September 28, 2004 Illustration: Alan Moir

2004-10-07T17:59:00.000+07:00

btw - this is my place - to give you an idea...

i wanna eat some MANGOES!

2004-10-07T17:28:00.000+07:00

its not supposed to be mango season now, but i went to the thursday market in the uni next to my place, and they were 50 baht a kilo. this makes me happy. very happy. what made me even happier, was that it was late in the day, so i got two kilos for 75 baht (about 3 dollars Australian, or 225 yen - in case you wondered) - without even having to haggle. they get down to 20 baht a kilo in may, but recently they've been 90 baht a kilo.
gonna chop them up and freeze them, then make frozen mango daiquiris! i make a mean frozen daiquiri - even got the little cocktail umbrellas. keep the glasses in the freezer so it stays really cool until you drink it.
...this was the highlight of my day...
apart from that, the power went off twice today - once in the middle of a crap movie on HBO - what scares me is that i was kinda annoyed at not being able to watch it.
this has been an especially lazy week for me - going to the market today was only the second time i've left the apartment this week. i did go downstairs to the gym on tuesday, and i almost went for a swim yesterday and today, but when i looked out the window down to the pool - it was full of kids. who wants to swim when the pool is full of squealers? damn school holidays! wonder when the buggers will be back in classrooms where they belong?
lazy lazy lazy week

2004-10-06T08:09:00.000+07:00

Chicken?

friend sent me boxer shorts with this pattern...so strange that i like it!

Tuesday is thai day and the maid comes

2004-10-05T11:55:00.000+07:00

Tuesday i go to thai class.
my thai is terrible - i can read it a bit and write it, but i don't know what most of the words mean.
i arranged to have my thai classes on tuesdays and fridays, 'cos that's the day our maid comes. Yes - we have a maid - hahahaha!
she cleans, does the washing and ironing. i put on a t-shirt the other day and it had been ironed - felt so good!
our first maid was terrible - you could tell she didn't want to be a maid, and so she cleaned in a half-hearted way. when she quit, we got a new maid, about 18, who is studying accounting at night. she is so good - hence the ironed t-shirts.
but i never realised how invasive it can be having a maid in the house. when the maid is walking around cleaning stuff, and i'm just sitting watching HBO or ESPN, or lying in my hammock reading, or all the vital stuff i normally do, i feel kinda guilty at my own bourgesoisesse (spell?).
so i go to thai class in the afternoons when the maid visits.
i don't study much - but i guess i'm slowly getting better - need to practice more, but my antisocial lifestyle prohibits me from actually talking to people, so my improval is pretty slow. i can tell a taxi driver where to go, and i'm getting pretty good at haggling, but that's about it...
oh well, can't complain, at least we have a maid, and those ironed t-shirts feel good!

mondays

2004-10-04T18:13:00.000+07:00

mondays are my lazy days.
well, everyday is a lazy day for me, but mondays are the laziest.
it's 6:14pm, and i haven't left my front door.
i'm sitting around in a sarong because i'm too lazy to put on clothes (too hot anyway).
this afternoon as i stared out the window, a flight of over a thousand dragonflies was buzzing just above the level of the roof - 34th floor.
gotta love dragonflies...

2004-09-30T10:12:00.001+07:00

Koh Samet

Koh Samet is where you go if you're feeling cheap - the BBQ fish on the beach is unbelievable!

2004-09-30T10:12:00.000+07:00

Koh Chang

Now this is an island! National park - mostly rainforest full of teak trees. A couple of unemployed elephants hanging around that you can ride. Near the border with Cambodia. Wasn't developed at all a few years ago, but the new airport at nearby Trat had changed all that - there are banks and even a 7-11 now. Right down on the south-east corner of the island is a little isolated beach with a funky bunch of restaurants and cheap cheap bungalows built on a long pier over the water.

2004-09-30T09:55:00.000+07:00

Lamai Beach on Koh Samui

here's the beach at Lamai one early morning in April...
the sand is soft but slightly grainy. Cool in the mornings - baking all day.
The beach is a perfect swimming beach - no rocks in the middle section - gently sloping . Few waves - no good for surfin or body surfin.
At night, there is sometimes phospherescence (spell??) and there are also these cool little crabs that I call "raver crabs" - when you disturb them at night, they glow with a fluorescent blue light...
Pretty sweet...

Bangkok

2004-09-30T09:27:00.000+07:00

Hmmm... so i live in Bangkok.
It's big and smelly and always hot.
The dogs on the street are mangy and nasty at night - though they sleep all day.
i live in a penthouse in the sky -
i like islands...i go often. Latest was Koh Samui - stayed on Chaweng - which is nice at night when the beach is covered with beach bars set out on the sand with grass mats and triangular cushions and funky music. Favourite is "Dragon Bay" at the north end of the beach. The beach is full of wanna-be colonial europeans all day - better go somewhere else to enjoy the daytime.
Also been to Koh Chang (really nice - just starting to be developed) and Koh Samet (hang out with the locals and don't feel like a colonial - dirt cheap - 200km bus + ferry there is cheaper than the saikyo-sen from Saitama to Tokyo, if you know where that is)